PTSD is Real: my Journey of walking on a thin line

Sirens, Flashing Lights, People runing in front of you, deer jumping out of the woods, frogs in the summer that don't shut up, a song, a cologne, a perfume, a gun shot, light, its real and it doesn't go away when you close your eyes.  Imagine a balloon it gets hot air to blow up into a air pocket you tie it and you can even let it hit the sky if you put helium in it.  If you put to much hot air in the balloon it will bust. 

PTSD is much like that you can only take so much before you go off and people have a hard time controlling ones ability to be conscious in the moment that exits in the "NOW" they are truly in their own world.  This can lead for others to be dumbfounded why they talk with themselves and have there own comfort level not letting many if anyone into their life for fear of being burned, rejected, or used and made fun of.

After being cryogenic ally suspended many people won't even buy into it that I can remember all the life events and try to tell me im delusional.  Let them think what they will but, I know now I was a hero to our country as a CIA agent who went to Vietnam and World War II and helped one of the biggest coke operations on the double agent role for the United States Government. 

 The movie American Made was a knockoff one of the most favorite times in my life being Barry Seals body guard.  They didn't show it in the movie but, we would watch out for him. After being in the war with combat and bullets flying past you it sticks in the brain. Muscles have memory whether we want to realize it or not.  They remember our lives better than we could possible ever fathom. 

I have survived 19 car wrecks, rape, child abuse, financial abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse. When going to Merriam Webster says, 

 Definition of post-traumatic stress disorder : a psychological reaction occurring after experiencing a highly stressing event (such as wartime combat, physical violence, or a natural disaster) that is usually characterized by depression, anxiety, flashbacks, recurrent nightmares, and avoidance of reminders of the event —abbreviation PTSD— called also post-traumatic stress syndrome

Leading into this next truth of PTSD our brain chemicals are truly important on what the level says. When they are off we meltdown. Low levels of dopamine make me have meltdowns, and if my dopamine levels go to low i'll have continues meltdowns till I get a ticket.  It takes only one person to say the wrong thing and BAM just like a fire cracker being lit up you will see that they completely loose it.  Doors being slammed, glasses broken.  One time I took all my plates from IKEA and threw them on the apartment floor there was white plasteramics all over the kitchen area of broken glass and white corning wear. 

"Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) includes a cluster of symptoms that begin and persist after a person has survived – or in some cases witnessed – a severely traumatic or life-threatening event. Because trauma puts us on high-alert, it can lead to neurochemical changes." Jeremy Pitzer

During war the we would sit out and drink whiskey, smoke stogies, and play cards till the sun went down on days where we were not at war.  Those days were so much better and I wish I would of joined the military out of high school because it would of been four years and, then I would of been done.  

If I would of been in the killer shape I was a couple of years ago I almost went in Air Force when I first moved down to the twin cities but, one guy said, don't do it.  Now, I wish I would have and not let anyone change my decision to do that.  We live and learn I guess and, what we have are the memories to take with us.

 As a result,  "In some cases, memories of trauma become difficult to process while anxiety increases, all causing the individual to re-experience the feelings associated with trauma as if it were occurring in the present." Jeremy Pitzer

It has been told that my last Clinical psychologist said, "stress is cumulative" she is right.  We experience past frustrations and, all those frustrations that stack together just like calls on a tower line when you get a roped signal from the tower.  To much Noise equals a meltdown, light, sound, taste, touch the five senses will throw off one with PTSD in seconds.  For me its babies crying or acting stupid that set me into a tail spin. 

Now there are two forms of PTSD and I have Complex PTSD because my emotions are so difficult to regulate I need strong medication.  Mine is Environmentally inflicted with loud noise, stupidity, ignorance, and indigent people. Here are some statistics and logic to the situation, 

PTSD is generally related to a single event, while complex PTSD is related to a series of events, or one prolonged event.  Symptoms of PTSD can arise after a traumatic episode, such as a car collision, an earthquake, or sexual assault.

After being raped 577 times my body has had it with SEXUAL Manipulation and went through 564 hostage situations. Someone had written a fake marriage license and they said it wasn't rape because we were married what  crock of @#$@.

 I know what he did, and I know it legally wrong.  You cannot enter a home and take someone's embryos or impregnate them its rape its rape its rape something that you didn't give consent to be in your body.  NO MEANS: NO!

As a result, we have come to to learn that:

PTSD affects 7–8 percent of Americans at some point in their lives. Symptoms may result from changes in some regions of the brain that deal with emotion, memory, and reasoning. Affected areas may include the amygdala, and the prefrontal cortex.

Twin Towers Falling, Bombs Burning, Wars and the noise you hear just doesn't stop it keeps annoying you, the words, their tone the bullshit you have to put up with every sing day gets old you just wish you had a gun so you could make the center of the bulls eye a new face verses it being red.  PTSD is real, it will kill if provoked especially people and soldiers who come back from war.  

The first line of defense is their weapon and their line of sight.  You don't come back the way you left, and you don't ever have what you had before you left.  We leave men and women behind because we simply didn't have enough manpower to conquer the enemy at one time.  We do all we can to keep our troops alive but, its enviable that some will pass before our eyes. 

Our answer to PTSD is leave them alone for we aren't able to control an emotion once provoked by the enemy.  You want to use Asperger's I'll use my post traumatic stress; as my answer to life, to liberty, to justice,  and to make you shut up!  I am sick of people who do not understand me but, first to judge me when they don't even know me.  They don't live the life I lead, They don't cry the tears I cry, they don't know what its like to be me. I know the ones that understand I am grateful for and will love till God calls me home.  LEAVE OUR VETERANS ALONE , victory victory that 's our cry victory victory never say die. 

This is such a complexity of emotions that are going all at once and if you have other ailments it can be a nightmare but, when you have a strong support like the Bermuda triangle you sail away to see diamonds in the sky.

  OMG side note, one time we were on our way to Florida and we forgot a suitcase in the car and they wanted nothing to do with it we flew out the day the gulf war started Jan. 16th 1991 and wow I knew there were no weapons of mass destruction and it took a year for our military to believe me it might of been sooner but that was a long conflict. 

Ideas for Rx

The Battle Is not OUR own

We Fight A New War in this Movie

Dolphins are the Answer; PTSD Healed

Now here is a Test I took to humor myself and each question I answered YES

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Screening Tool

This is a screening measure to help you determine whether you might have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that needs professional attention. This screening tool is not designed to make a diagnosis of PTSD but to be shared with your primary care physician or mental health professional to inform further conversations about diagnosis and treatment.

Directions:

1.     Complete the provided form

2.     Print out the results  

3.     Share them with your health care provider to determine a diagnosis

Are you troubled by the following?

Source for Questionaire I Flagged all answers as "YES"☐ Yes    ☐ No

You have experienced or witnessed a life-threatening event.

Do you have intrusions about the event in at least one of the following ways?

☐ Yes    ☐ No	Repeated, distressing memories, or dreams
☐ Yes    ☐ No	Acting or feeling as if the event were happening again (flashbacks or a sense of reliving it)
☐ Yes    ☐ No	Intense physical and/or emotional distress when you are exposed to things that remind you of the event

Do you avoid things that remind you of the event in at least one of the following ways?

☐ Yes    ☐ No	Avoiding thoughts, feelings, or conversations about it
☐ Yes    ☐ No	Avoiding activities and places or people who remind you of it
Since the event, do you have negative thoughts and mood associated with the event in at least 2 of the following ways?
☐ Yes    ☐ No	Blanking on important parts of it
☐ Yes    ☐ No	Negative beliefs about oneself, others and the world and about the cause or consequences of the event
☐ Yes    ☐ No	Feeling detached from other people
☐ Yes    ☐ No	Inability to feel positive emotions
☐ Yes    ☐ No	Persistent negative emotional state

Are you troubled by at least two of the following?

☐ Yes    ☐ No	Problems sleeping
☐ Yes    ☐ No	Irritability or outbursts of anger
☐ Yes    ☐ No	Reckless or self-destructive behavior
☐ Yes    ☐ No	Problems concentrating
☐ Yes    ☐ No	Feeling "on guard"
☐ Yes    ☐ No	An exaggerated startle response

Please print this completed form and share it with your health care provider to determine diagnoses.

For more information, visit us at www.adaa.org or contact us at information@adaa.org

Reference: American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing

I have 100% Complex PTSD find out your number of yes or no's